I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
