I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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