I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
