What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
