So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize