so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's never too late to be topless.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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