she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We need to get me chipped asap
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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