i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
