You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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