i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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