Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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