it's not cheating when I paid for it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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