i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
