i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
