you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
