Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
