she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
