Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
