You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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