She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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