I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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