I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
