Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
