He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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