I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
