Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize