I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
