I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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