I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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