Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
