Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize