the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
