Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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