just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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