I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
