is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
