she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
