He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
