Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
