We won't sleep together?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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