Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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