also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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