He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
