No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
