i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
