Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
