What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
