capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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