When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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