so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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