Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She's JV to your varsity
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
