TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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