haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
