just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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