I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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