No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
