my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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