It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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