the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
