YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
