i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
