He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
