He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize