She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
