Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im holly from the hills drunk
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
