I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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