You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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