I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
