man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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