Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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