I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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