I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
