Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize