I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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