Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
