we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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