Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
