Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
