your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
