I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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