Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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