Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
