i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
