My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
