Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
