Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
