you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
