Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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