I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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