Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
