I never want to see another naked old woman again.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
